Published April 5, 2008
As soon as he finds a new girl…
Guess where she’ll be?
Flushed down the toilet.
With all her broken dreams.
He used her for another,
That fact you cannot deny,
Their friendship was like sister and brother,
But I guess she misread his signs.
If he said he loved her so much,
Then why did he look, but not touch?
She felt like there was no other fish in the sea,
Like they were one for eternity,
Now she feels like she's in a dream,
Wild and original, like a stream,
Like an eagle, soaring high and soaring free.
Then she sees you with another girl,
and she's brought back down to earth.
Now in her body emotions swirl,
And then she finally realizes, what you're worth,
nothing.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,749 Reviews
hmmm, expression....
I think I will keep it the same.
That was a good start but, add a little sxpression and felling.
Thanks everyone! For once I got good feedback!
I fixed it up a little, so I hope everything is right with it now! 
The topic is alright. What I really liked was the flow.
I suggest you try clearing up on punctuation. Some lines seem as if they need periods instead of commas, for example:
If you don't mind, I changed this around so it is grammatically correct.
Also, it isn't necessary to capitalize every line. Keep that in mind.
Another example of some grammatical issues. This kinda threw me off.
I love your rhythm. When am I going to see more of you?
I really liked this. You can feel the pain and emotion. The rhythm and rhyming is amazing. There's a small spelling error I must point out.
There's is the correct spelling for it.
Other than that, I love this. Keep up the good work.
-Rick.
It's a good start, just elaborate with imagry. =)
None of these lines seem to connect from one to the next; it sounds like lines of cliches strung together and because of that, the poem as a whole ceases to mean much. Try picking one of the ideas presented and focus on really getting to the root of that one idea instead of generalizing a situation. There's a lot of water imagery used; that might be a good place to start ^_^